Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Things I Couldn't Care Less About: Your Cat

   I was having a conversation with my "friend" on Facebook chat (Why the quotes? Well, you know that one person who just HAS to be online when you're online and will ALWAYS open up a chat with you? That's who I was talking to) and for some reason, the conversation turned to her cat (The reason is that the conversation ALWAYS turns to her cat.)

   If you are reading this, and you own a cat, take this advice: Don't ever talk about your cat. The only person who wants to hear a story that starts with "My cat is so smart..." is whoever's telling the story., and they already know the story, so it's pointless to continue. By the way, cat's can't be that smart. They're fucking morons. You can torment them for literally HOURS with a laser pointer and they won't realize it's not a real animal. If a cat were smart, it would stand up, and tell its owner, "Meow meow meow. Meow meow meow Mew, meow meow, "  which translates roughly to, "Knock it off. I know it's you, you know."

  But I didn't say all of this to the girl I was chatting with. You may be asking, Why endure this painful discussion for the thousandth time? Well, I wanted to be nice to her. Also, she's hot, and I'd just checked out an unreasonable amount of her spring break pictures, so I felt like I owed it to her. I hate Facebook chat, but I love Facebook.

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